BEFORE AND AFTER

I’ve been trying to think of something I could say about this book that would compel people to read it. The whole reason I put my story out there is so some person, in this generation or the next, would read it and find hope. That won’t happen if they can’t find the book. So, I’m posting articles that might travel to that person.

SO WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL ?

The book’s story line is about an unplanned adventure, a spiritual quest that took a curious woman, bound by duty and conformity, through some weird stuff. When writers frame this type of scenario for the page, the expected outcome of such a journey is that the main character emerges changed in essential ways. She is reconstructed – new. And yes, I am fundamentally different from who I was before all those strange experiences changed – transformed – me.

THE  TRAIL-HEAD 

The story line of the book begins on the farm. It has to. A consensus in writing is that the author doesn’t start with backstory but sprinkles it in, scene by scene, along the story arc. That made no sense in this book. To show how drastic my renovation, I had to take you deep into the original landscape of my basic personality framework – the pot of soup this little dumpling emerged from. I needed you, dear reader, to feel what I felt. The first three chapters offer a taste of a way of life through which I interpreted the wider world, how I came to think like I did.

Before my season of transformation, before I stepped into the labyrinth of faith, I tried to be good, follow orders, and comply with rules. I blindly trusted most all humans who were in positions of superiority. This included parents, teachers, military superiors, husband, and church leaders. I assumed they were in authority for a good reason.

After-quest, I now tune my ears, tune my heart to listen to spirit – my spirit and the Spirit of God. I challenge every command, every rule, every scripture, evaluating whether it fits (and how it fits) with the character of God as I now understand God to be.

 — DEATH

Before, death on the farm wasn’t addressed except that of a life gone. If the life of an animal was taken, it provided benefit as food for the living. Human death meant that life was over. That’s all.

After, I understand I have an essence that currently lives mostly within this physical body. I know other parallel dimensions share some features with this one, and my spirit-essence is also linked to one of those other unseeable worlds. I’ve found a lot of examples of what I call Quantum Kingdom in the bible. The more I pay attention to that reality, the smoother my transition will be as I “leap” from here to there.

 —  HUMAN INTERACTION

Before, my immediate reaction to problems was to try my best to fix them. If I saw debris on some sidewalk, I felt responsible to pick it up. Got a problem, call Carol; she’ll fix it. I thought my only value came from my labor. I rescued many people at the cost of my own children, setting them aside because someone called for help. Reasoned my only way to heaven might be by working hard enough to prove myself to God.

After, I still feel compassion, deeply, but my initial response is to listen until God’s Spirit compels me to take action from a position of generous love, not duty or obligation. And, because I’m nearing 70, I’ve even asked for help a few times, listening to the same spirit. This place is mine to steward; I am thoughtful with each request, and grateful for each helping hand.

 —  LOVE

Before, I felt love for others, especially my family intensely. I ached with love. Hugged tightly. Shook hands tightly. Fed people from my heart. My love expressed itself outwardly.

After the journey, I know love because I experience love. After the divorce, I thought all hope of love had gone too. As long as we stayed married, I had hope. But I soon realized my Maker is my husband, reclaiming a deserted and distressed woman. In the middle of the night, God woke me and took me to those new-to-me verses.

I know love when I hear it. God sings me a soft love song in the mornings before I even begin the mental chatter of the day. Come to Me. You are my all in all. Because of you. The first time ever I saw your face. I am wooed, even when we sit silently together.

 — GOD

Before, I had rational knowledge from the bible that God is I AM, outside of our dimension of time and space. I didn’t agree with the concept generally accepted that an all-inclusive God is gendered though. If God is so much more than all the adjectives and physics we can muster, why would that Being crawl in a tiny box called “He” so we can attach male human attributes? My problem wasn’t with God, it was – and still is – that we humans attempt to shape God in our image.

After-quest, I didn’t set up specific expectations when I threw up my arms in surrender. I felt more like, “Whatever happens happens; I just want to know God.” God will enter my heart by my invitation. God has a voice (non-gendered), knows my true name, talks to me via song lyrics, hologram scenes, dreams, and prophetic conduit people. It’s a personal, intimate relationship now. (And God has never told me I was going to hell.)

 — I can’t un-know what I know from my own experiences. There are many more encounters still handwritten in my files than are printed in the book. I invite you to step into mystery and train your ears to hear.

— Read the book.

— Share.

— Let me know if you can’t afford the price. Someone needs hope.

 Turn & Walk: an unexpected quest