INVISIBLE

Have you ever felt invisible?

Was it a pleasant feeling or a sad one?

From my porch, coffee in hand, I watch these “invisible” critters.

Over there, a young buck – invisible in the shadows of the trees. Fresh velvety antlers the color of tree bark. The muscles of his neck thick from carrying the weight of his developing rack. He’s not ready to be seen.

At the other end of this acre, a doe tries to be invisible – and silent. It’s six o’clock, predawn, and her wet fawn is still finding its legs, staggering under momma’s cleansing tongue. To be visible is too dangerous.

An invisible hawk passes overhead, revealed only by her huge shadow gliding over the grass. Silent. My eyes jump toward the sky. She’s visible for only a second as she soars through branches and beyond the woods.

My mind jumps to a reference to invisible in scripture. Jesus slipped into the crowd – he made himself invisible to the threat. No miracle this time; he did it the same way we can. The same way I have.

—

Before I started on the journey described in my book, Turn & Walk: an unexpected quest, I felt a need to be visible. Not in any social or fashion sense, but I needed to feel like someone actually saw me so I could feel like I was alive, that I mattered.

Back then, my value was based on what I could produce. I produced food and babies; I built things out of fabric and wood; I served people and church. These products were visible evidence I existed.

Back then, I counted on humans for my value, so being invisible hurt. The term marginalized not yet included in my lexicon, I called it being “zeroed out”. My human value brought to zero by a snide remark or a cold shoulder in a split second, taking weeks to months to crawl back to a positive position again. “Zeroed out” time after time. Invisible to those I served with my whole heart.

—-

Then, the journey, the unexpected quest happened. Weird experiences convinced me I was interacting with an invisible dimension that coexists with this earthy one. Yes, scientific principles contributed to my understanding, especially quantum theory principles and language.

After so many encounters with the unseeable, I consider the invisible realm as real as (or maybe more real than) this conspicuous one. Real encounters – time after time – with precise and generous Mercy. Encounters with undeniable Lovingkindness – time after time – proved my value is intrinsic and unrelated to any performance scale.

Now I realize being invisible is unrelated to value. I feel at home with the invisible realm — and I’ll continue to practice living in this visible one. The One who loves me sees me. I’m satisfied.

However….

while I’m okay with being invisible, Baby, I’m not okay with being silent!

There’s a conversation that needs to happen and I want my voice to contribute. Conversation about bridging the gap between the finite physical reality and an invisible spiritual reality. And I don’t want my contribution to be altered in any way by what I look like.

When I taught or tutored, I wanted my role to be a facilitator of learning. Not a position of authority, but wanted students to receive the benefit of my experience. My intention was to be an instrument to translate the material for them.

Too many gatekeepers have narrowed the gate Jesus intended to keep open. The message of John 10 is open pastures and only the Shepherd’s voice calls my name.

Whether I’m visible or invisible, the message of lovingkindness needs to flow. The atmosphere of Love needs to be breathable.

I hope you want to share in this conversation.