WHAT SHOULD I DO?

What can I do?   

These last months of virus epidemic already had me a little on edge, then add fresh agony of wrongful death, I wanted to fix it, wanted to fix it all! I saw lots of positive energy invested into the chaos of pain and too much negative energy deflecting progress. I want to do something – but what? I kept pacing, kept asking, “What can I do?”

“What should I do?”

Should I surrender reason and run off the cliff with all my family of lemming? Lemmings do the same thing as others regardless of whether it’s smart or thought through. I’m pretty sure I’m not a lemming.

I also established in my book, Turn & Walk: an unexpected quest, that I’m an ‘outside-the-box’ believer. I’m a woman of strong deep faith but passionate about staying clear of gatekeepers – all gatekeepers.

I do NOT follow a preacher, church leader, or movement spokesperson, even if they are a good person. I DO gather information from a broad range of sources, always hoping for solutions or salve for deep wounds. Neither speeches nor sermons heal wounds unless they motivate hearts to step in with care.

It’s time I look again at what God’s intentions might be for people.

It’s common for a person to “pray” in response to protests and brutality and racial killings. But what do we mean when we say that?

Do I really want to ask God to give me “my daily bread” as suggested in Matthew 6? That primitive prayer seems a basic format covering generalities. This calls for something more.

Do I ask God to do what I want done in a situation? I’ve never been comfortable with presenting God with a list of my needs. Asking God for whatever pleases me might just contribute to the mindset that I am “right” and deserve victory. Doesn’t that set up the “us versus them” conflict? I sure can’t trust that my own best thinking might be the universal remedy for the world. Can’t trust yours either.

However…

I have developed great trust in the principles of unifying love from John’s description of Jesus’s farewell prayer. I am convinced God loves people, but wonder how that everlasting lovingkindness can affect this current environment of abuse, self-centeredness, and greed. What’s my part to contribute?

I have helped a few people across that life-death threshold and experienced near-death events myself. I prepare for death in more detail as I age but am very aware it could come any moment. I think of it like a relay race where each runner hands off a baton to the next runner in the relay. In the later chapters of John (14-17), Jesus is preparing his followers for his death just days away. His baton hand-off to his followers. He’s telling them the most important things for them to carry forward as they continue the relay race of life.

These sentiments from the mouth (and heart) of Jesus are the best illustration of prayer I can find.

Here’s my paraphrase:

Here I am Father, it’s time. I’ve done and said what you told me to do and say. I’ve fulfilled my assignment, shared your message of a love-based universe, did miraculous things as evidence of heaven’s physics. These who are with me, and others, believe; they’re convinced you are real, that I am your aspect in this realm, so they are yours too.

Father, guard them so they can be one heart and mind like we are. I want them to experience my joy, (He knew they would experience sorrow) the world hates them, like the world hates me, because we don’t join the world’s ways. They aren’t defined by the world any more than I am. Guard them from the evil one, separate them out by Truth.

I pray for others who will believe in me because of the witness of these folks. The goal is to be one heart and mind – like we are. Evidence of your love of them and me. I want your love for me in them; so I am in them.

I see no language of I want “my way” because “we all” know it’s the right way. I see loving and oneness.

So, this is my starting place: to live out love and oneness as best I can.

Details are engulfed within the mysteries of God; I will practice acceptance of God operating in mystery. And if Spirit tells me to take some action, I’ll have practiced listening enough to be confident it’s the Spirit’s voice, not my own want.